Monday, October 23, 2006
Dear sweet knight who-is-occasionally-destructive-and-misses-his-steps,
I could see things weren't right during recess already. After school when I called, you didn't sound right. Like you were battered and broken into bits. We were silent all the way. The tense atmosphere that hung was a lil too heavy to take.
I knew we had to leave. You looked as if you needed someplace quiet. I was thinking probably you would talk to me about it. But the whole time when you were at our private place, you said nothing.
Surprisingly you allowed me as I rested on your shoulder as your hand reached out for mine. I thought you wouldn't. Almost thought you wouldn't.
Your eyes, whenever I looked at them, were indecipherable. They were clouded up and hazy. Beneath the haze, I could never figure out the words.
Then finally I found ourselves at my doorstep. Your hand in mine, waiting for the other to let go. I couldn't. There must be something else to say. In my head I told myself, "Just let go. He'll be fine."
Though I didn't want to, I forced my fingers loose and dropped my hand to my side. When I looked up at you, I saw hurt. Deep deep sadness. A sorrow that made me want to make everything alright in one instant.
You felt that you hurt me the most.
Its absurd. Totally absurd. As I write this I'm shaking my head in disbelief.
I asked for the greatest miracle. I was looking for love. But not expecting one to come my way.
You gave me everything an ordinary girl would wish for. The simplest of things, yes. And the expensive gifts that you've showered me with were definitely unexpected.
I prayed for days where I could wake up to look forward to seeing something I could wake up to embrace, to welcome, to appreciate and adore, something, someone tangible I could always hang onto, someone I could give my whole heart to and never be afraid of it being broken.
And you were that.
And you said so many things. I just had to hang onto you and never let you go. Don't let me go either.
So many times we've been through this talk, and everytime we do, I'll make sure you hear words that are straight from my heart.
Cuz I really really really need you to see that you're the one for me.
Read back on the first yellow letter I gave. No one does those things for me.
And no guy, except you, would fold a paper heart and give it to me. I was surprised. I was sweetly surprised.
No guy, except you, can make me smile the way you do.
Sunshine will pour on me when you smile again.
I love you. <3
Lots of hugs and kisses,
Your sweet Princess who-cracks-her-brain-cells-to-convince-you-but-loves-you-all-the-more-anyway.
