Monday, October 23, 2006
Dear sweet knight who-is-occasionally-destructive-and-misses-his-steps,
I could see things weren't right during recess already. After school when I called, you didn't sound right. Like you were battered and broken into bits. We were silent all the way. The tense atmosphere that hung was a lil too heavy to take.
I knew we had to leave. You looked as if you needed someplace quiet. I was thinking probably you would talk to me about it. But the whole time when you were at our private place, you said nothing.
Surprisingly you allowed me as I rested on your shoulder as your hand reached out for mine. I thought you wouldn't. Almost thought you wouldn't.
Your eyes, whenever I looked at them, were indecipherable. They were clouded up and hazy. Beneath the haze, I could never figure out the words.
Then finally I found ourselves at my doorstep. Your hand in mine, waiting for the other to let go. I couldn't. There must be something else to say. In my head I told myself, "Just let go. He'll be fine."
Though I didn't want to, I forced my fingers loose and dropped my hand to my side. When I looked up at you, I saw hurt. Deep deep sadness. A sorrow that made me want to make everything alright in one instant.
You felt that you hurt me the most.
Its absurd. Totally absurd. As I write this I'm shaking my head in disbelief.
I asked for the greatest miracle. I was looking for love. But not expecting one to come my way.
You gave me everything an ordinary girl would wish for. The simplest of things, yes. And the expensive gifts that you've showered me with were definitely unexpected.
I prayed for days where I could wake up to look forward to seeing something I could wake up to embrace, to welcome, to appreciate and adore, something, someone tangible I could always hang onto, someone I could give my whole heart to and never be afraid of it being broken.
And you were that.
And you said so many things. I just had to hang onto you and never let you go. Don't let me go either.
So many times we've been through this talk, and everytime we do, I'll make sure you hear words that are straight from my heart.
Cuz I really really really need you to see that you're the one for me.
Read back on the first yellow letter I gave. No one does those things for me.
And no guy, except you, would fold a paper heart and give it to me. I was surprised. I was sweetly surprised.
No guy, except you, can make me smile the way you do.
Sunshine will pour on me when you smile again.
I love you. <3
Lots of hugs and kisses,
Your sweet Princess who-cracks-her-brain-cells-to-convince-you-but-loves-you-all-the-more-anyway.
Friday, October 20, 2006
To my dear sweet princess who made this blog for me,
This is for you.
Something happened yesterday. After saying my goodnights to you sweet princess, I carried on working on my masterpiece proposal. As I sipped down the chilling coffee that remove the fatigue in me, I felt a sharp pain in my heart. It felt like something or someone had pierced me and the pain was a little unbearable and I hurried to finish the proposal hoping the pain would go down. It went away after awhile and I wondered what caused this sharp pain.
I couldn’t understand why this sharp pain had hit me so bad until we quarreled this late afternoon. I stared hard at the floor and suddenly everything fits into place. I realized this pain was actually the fact that our hearts built such strong connections and that my heart was telling me how painful you felt to watch me force myself to finish up my assignment and I almost wanted to cry knowing that you would be hurt watching me struggle through this assignment.
And it hit me hard when I was staring at the floor that you were trying your best to accompany me till 4am where u “yelled” 1am when I said 11.30pm but I know for sure you would come up with reasons just to stay up with me till 4am or even just smile to convince me you are not tired though I know you are not just a lil bit.
I realized that it hurts you a lot to see me sleeping late nights, forcing and myself to exceed my own limit. Forcing my brain to work so hard during the tiring hours and I promised you I wouldn’t do it again as I can’t bear to hurt the only person I love the most sweetheart. I just can’t.
Seriously, nobody else would try her best to wait up for me during weekdays when her bedtime used to be 10pm. Nobody else will make sure I have my meals regularly. Nobody else would say NOOOO to me in that cute expression and yes you are the cutest princess to me sweetheart. Nobody else will write me sweet letters and make sure I melt =X Nobody else will quarrel with me over Christmas presents and other treats that I think you truly deserve.
Nobody else will show me the sweetest smile that never fails to brighten up the darkest moment of my life. Nobody else will allow me to hold her hand and announce to the whole world that I love her so much. Nobody else will allow me to kiss in a demanding manner and that I can never stop kissing your ever-sweet lips and every time we kissed, I just wish the whole world would stop turning for us. Nobody else will hold me in her arms and I will never stop securing my arms around you sweetheart.
Nobody else will know when I’m feeling a lil moodless. Nobody else will face every ups and downs with me. Nobody else will watch my diet really carefully making sure I have the right stuff and that I don’t fall sick. Nobody else will melt me other than you sweetheart. Nobody else will be the brightest star in my life, shining your brightest radiance to illuminate all the darkest areas of my life, bringing nothing but joy, happiness, warmth and love to your dearest knight.
Nobody else will do those many things and more except you dear princess.
And I really can’t bear to lose you. Not in this lifetime and the many lifetimes to come. I just can’t lose you sweetheart. My world feels so empty without you by my side and my only joy and happiness belongs to you.
And from the deepest bottom of my heart, I truly will always love you and only you sweetheart.
I love you <3
<3 Your dearest knight who occasionally looks like a baby panda
